Day 89

Hey, everyone knows on the PCP you eat a lot of eggs. Well, if you're tired of eating lame, boring round eggs you should check out the Egg Cuber. This awesome device makes your hardboiled eggs into cubes. For easy storage and transportation I guess. Maybe they fit better in a Slap-chop as cubes. Ever look at the breakfast-to-go in the Slap-chop commerical? It's a hardboiled egg, a green onion and some ham, all chopped up together. What? How is that to go? Am I just walking around with greasy ham and egg chunks in my hand, munching on it like peanuts? Oh Vince, what a crack up. Anyway, enjoy the cuber. (HT Unclutterer)

Is this really my day 89 post? Yeah, it is. Maybe tomorrow will be profound.

Day 87 - this just about sums it all up

When I'm on a jog or not feeling like doing the plank or whatever, this is my go to song:

The audio quality is awful, so here are the lyrics of this part:

blow my money on my favorite company
they can blow holes in my ozone
so pour that propane on my clothes
I like it when my skin glows
besides there's nothing to live for
unless you live a little more like you're going to die

so what the fuck are you going to do?
they robbed your life from you
tell them you want to get it back
if you do, I've got your back
yes it's something worth defending
so throw caution to the wind
and other platitudes
that were written just for you
take a shit in their swimming pool
let them chase you if you do
finally something is happening to you
put an axe through the TV
blow up your radio,
though you can't see them now
you'll hear birds singing in your soul
sneak your way past the gates in a little hard heart shape

if you're gonna be a shark you better learn to stay awake

why you wanna spend your life in jail?

For a more traditional motivational monday movie, here's are these, song is amazing (Saul Williams, Reparations) and worth a download. The third one is brilliant.

Day 83 - Goals Smoals

The latest Zen is Stupid touched on something that I think about a lot. Maybe too much. The discussion was about what we set goals for, and how goals themselves can become an attachment. As I near the end of my PCP, I thought I might reflect on this here.

I've thought about this in two areas: fitness and education. I'll start with fitness. My goal with the PCP was to get in excellent shape, that I would carry through the winter. The higher level of strength and endurance will help me with cycling and triathlon, and bring my race time down. Eventually, I want to complete a half-ironman race, possibly in 2011. But here's the thing, I like races and events because they give me a goal and force me to get up in the morning to work out. Without that deadline I'll push back, stay in bed (like I did today) and be lazy. I know this will have long-term health consequences, and make me feel like crap all day. Do you see what's happened there? I train to do events because they make me train. Maybe this is good, a self-reinforcing system. But if I don't keep this cycle in mind, if I forget, then what am I doing? When I did the Philly tri last summer I saw many many many people who were just miserable. The look on their face, their posture, was just miserable. They had better times than me, but so what? I need to remember that I do this stuff because I think it is fun, and if it stops being fun I need to get out and quickly.

The second area is education. I've got my education all screwed up. Basically I started a master's program in August 2002 and am just (knock on wood) finishing up in December. In the mean time I've gotten within two classes of another masters and started a third here in PA. Now I can work this to where everything intermingles and I end up with all three just in time to start the PhD program when it is planned to start up here. But, why? Right now it is because I am interested in this Comparative Education field and the work that is being done. But the goal is to do that work, to study the intersection of education and sustainable development. And I suspect the only way to get someone to pay me for that is to get a PhD. But I'm not going to lie, if someone offered me a job tomorrow doing this kind of research I'm not sure I would take it. Because I am attached to getting a doctorate. The means has become a goal. And it's a big goal, but for what? Does it help me get to where I want to be?

This sounds like some Zen Habits or Lifehacker nonsense, but when we set our goals we have to make a distinction between strategy and tactics. The overall strategy is to live a healthy life and to study ecological economics and education. The tactics are the PCP, the races, the degrees and the other things I need to do to make that happen. It is okay to change tactics if it gets you closer to the strategic goals. This is very easy to say and very hard to do.

Day 81

Finally made it to the pool today. I'm not a good swimmer, my form is sloppy and my breathing is a joke, but I do love it. I can only go for like 25 minutes because I have to run over on my lunch hour, but that's 25 minutes where I can just zone out, not worry about email or feel like I should be reading some article about multi-lateral aid to the education sector in Turkmenistan. Doing the jumps or running requires more concentration for me, so I can't really relax the same way that I do in the pool.

Tomorrow when I go I'll have to poke my head in the gym so I can do my homework.

Also, day EIGHTY ONE? The heck did that happen?

Day 78

Back before this whole PCP thing, every couple of weeks I would eat my "mediterranean dinner". They're always talking on the news about the benefits of a mediterranean diet, right? Well, this is not that diet.

My version was pretty basic. I would get a nice salami or other spiced meat, some good cheese, some olives, maybe a loaf of sourdough and that would be my dinner. Let's break it down: fat and salt, fat and salt and salt. But it was tasty. So, even though I indulged when I blew it last week, I had this dinner last night.

I bought some chorizo, some jarlsberg, a peppered salami, some of the really stinky briney minced garlic stuffed olives and a bag of those high end honey dijon potato chips. I sliced the meats and cheese and arranged everything all nice on the plate and ate till I was full. Which was sooner than it would of been months ago.

I felt fine afterwords, very warm as my body went into overdrive trying to process the fats. And I was very thirsty, but no big disasters or anything. I know after the indulgences we're supposed to say "oh no, I could feel it clogging my heart and I started to pass out." I have no doubt that people have that experience, but I didn't. Likely because I haven't been 100% on diet.

What I did learn from the experience is that, while it was good, I also would of been fine with a big salad or Emily's Asian chicken or even a tuna fish sandwich. Which are all way better than me than salami and potato chips. So, even though my laziness is going to keep me from being all PCP hyper-ripped, I did break some really deep down food cravings during all this.

And now, back to revising that damn thesis.

Day 72

After my freakout, E said something very important about the "food" vs food situation. Basically that real food costs more than "food products". This is to be expected, virtually everything of a higher quality costs more in any market. However, it is important to remember that many "food" products cost less because the American tax payers are subsidizing them. That poor family that can't afford real food, pays for it anyway through their taxes.

What is fascinating to me is this discussion lately about a sin tax on high calorie "foods". Just to make this clear, the Feds are going to pay the manufacturers to produce HFCS and then charge the consumer for enjoying it. All in the name of saving us from ourselves. And I have yet to hear ANYONE suggest just getting rid of the subsidy - which would also cause the prices of these products to rise and have a similar expected change in demand.

Anyway, I failed HARD at the PCP this week. The conference was 13 hours or so a day of being "on", since I both attended and (slightly) helped run the thing. That led to some really questionable food choices (mozzarella sticks and beer) and not working out. Every time I get on a roll I let some environmental change take away all the gains. Very annoying.

Day 68 - When PCP'ers stop being polite

Tomorrow I'm attending this Comparative Education conference and I thought I'd buy a couple new pair of pants for the occasion since my basic business casual khakis were looking a little shot. So I swing by the outdoor mall on the way home and wander into LL Bean. I look at the racks and find just a basic pair of pants in a nice color, you know, pants. No big deal. I start to look for my size.

Now, I've always been pretty skinny and a few years ago I gave up on ratcheting down size 32 pants and just started buying 30 or 31. So I start digging through these pants, there are shelves of them and I realize I'm not going to find anything. There is nothing in this style with a waist smaller than 34. Okay. Fine. I've been scrawny for a long time, I know the deal. So I find another pair I like and - you guessed it - nothing below a 32. And then I quit caring if the pants looked good or whatever, I'm just looking for pants with a waist smaller than 32 inches. And of course, there aren't any. None.

I figure, what the heck, I'm here already, try the 32 and see if they work. What's the harm. So I grab the 32 off the shelf and then notice the length is 30. The only 32 inch waist pants in the whole giant LL Bean store have a 30 inch length. I need 32. So, there are no pants - including jeans and the "technical" waterproof deals - in this whole store that fits me.

That's when I had to leave the store. Now if this had been some other store I might not have minded too much. But I'm standing there looking at the selection of bicycles and kayaks for sale right next to the pants and there is nothing for a skinny person to wear. Have you ever seen a professional cyclist? They make me look like Chris Farley. And LL Bean is selling that life style, right? They're saying "shop here and you'll be a fitness loving rugged outdoors man who kayaks to the mountain bike trail and the rides to the deer stand." They have giant photographs of dudes on fishing expeditions or standing on cliffs, and those dudes likely can't buy pants in the store itself.

So, I leave the store and go to Old Navy where I buy literally the only pants in THAT store that fits me.

And really, this is no big deal in the long run, I went back into Bean and bought some sweaters and shirts. The world did not end.

But I do want to say the following, and it might be offensive, I don't know.

This morning on NPR I heard the phrase "just another example of discrimination against the fat". I don't remember the exact context, something about the health care debate. My point is, what discrimination? Almost every grocery store and restaurant in America caters to the obese. I can't buy gas without someone trying to sell me sausage and cheese between pancakes. Now I have to order my clothes on the internet because they aren't available. Forget Big and Tall stores, we need Skinny and Tall; EVERY store is for the big. Discrimination? "The fat" are running this show for crying out loud.

Did I do anything to be skinny? Does it make me a better person? No, of course not. Hell, I started this project to GAIN weight. I fail at the PCP every single day, I'm not saying it is easy to change. It's luck in the genetic lottery, I know that. But I'm just sick of hearing about how tough things are for people that drink Coke at breakfast or eat McDonald's every day. And so what if they advertise? People really cannot overcome a picture of a hamburger with some silly music and a lame joke? Honestly? Every time I watch TV the breaks are full of ads for crap like 2 and Half Men, but I don't watch it, because I know it is crap. People don't know by now that Burger King is crap? Of course it's crap. It has always been crap. It's not like they were selling fruit salad and the changed it up all the sudden. "Oh it's the high fructose corn syrup. ADM is evil for putting it in my food." Then don't buy that food. No HFCS in an apple. No multinational added sugars to the carrots.

Do I slip up on the diet? Of course, everyone slips, but take responsibility for it. Are there genetic or cultural factors. Sure. But how many graduates of this program would of said they just had bad genetics before starting? How many people never try because they're given that excuse day in day out by some talking head on TV. Tell people they're always going to be out of shape because of their genes or culture or socio-economics status or whatever and they will always be out of shape. Tell people they can improve and they'll improve.

Is that too naive? Maybe. Sorry if I'm a jerk. Long couple days at work topped by this nonsense today.

Alright, enough being a baby, time to cook up some dinner.

Day 66 - Monday [Night] Motivational Movie

Of course, I left my trunks at home, brought a towel and no trunks. Tomorrow I swim.

Anyway, enjoy the movie. I know I use so many are Nike ads, but they sell athleticism and they sell it well.

Day 65

I was glad to find out that I was failing correctly.

I don't think I have yet to make it through the whole time jumping rope without having to take a quick 10-second breather every now and then. I'm impressed with the people that can cross arms and stuff, I do the one foot then the other thing, but the second I cross it all falls apart.

Tomorrow I'm going to swim on my lunch break, I've been meaning to get back in the pool for weeks and it is time. It'll help with the jumps, keep me lean and - most importantly - take me away from my desk for an hour.

This week, for the first time, I planned out my meals for the week and used that to shop. I'll have to re-up meats and veg on Wednesday, but hopefully I can stick to the diet this week. I agree, Jessica, it is a lot of yogurt, but I needs the protein if I'm going to put on some muscles, right?

New Picture up, looks like some progress, but I can't really tell because of the lighting. Like the fake "I'm flexing as hard as I can" smile on my face?